Cleverly paced. I think all the details work really well ... stretching the build up, ignoring the tension we will stumble into ... the 'rigid leash' suggests a twist but you don't want to go there as the reader ... so I'd be a 'no' in terms of hoping against hope for joy ... but relishing the way the story played out. Excellent writing, Alexander
Merci, mon cher ami! Glad you enjoyed it. When I started I had no idea how it would end, it "just" happened, one might say. Very perceptive on the rigidness! Telegraphing the end with the title, too, one could say. Thanks for reading, Barrie!
Those are always the ones I love best. When the idea just makes its own way to the page. Was it Isaac Asimov who called writing ‘thinking through my fingers’?
Yes, indeed. It surprised me, fun stuff. And Mr. Asimov did it so splendidly. Sometimes it's hard for the fingers to keep up. Let the characters do what they want to do and get out of the way, is what I say.
I was as surprised as you, believe me. 😅 I remember the prompt was about winter and Christmas, write about an activity involving snow. Poor Timmy, eh? Elodie will grow up to become the greatest detective of all time, solving the gruesome Black Ice Murders. You wait and see.
Enjoyed this! Any snow themed story draws me in, but you also managed to fit a lot of good characterisation at the start. I said “no” because I tried to just go with it and not overthink...I actually imagined some tragedy for Dee (I mean it is tragic for her, but you know what I mean). Sledding’s literary tragic history must be rooted in Edith Wharton’s Ethan Frome. Or is there something predating this?
Thanks for upping my anxiety around ponds in the winter with children 😂 😅 😬
You're welcome? 😅 Thank you for reading, Kate. I swear I started without any sinister intent but once she came to the pond, Elodie insisted... and yes, we have that pond, that bridge (no Emil) and that boat and the picture is from that pond. I am unfamiliar with Ethan Frome but saw there's a movie from the 90s starring Liam Neeson! Might watch that one, so thanks for the mention! As for earlier tragic histories, I am sure there are, given that in Ancient Egypt sledges were the classic mode of transport (albeit not on snow I guess). And yes, it's tragic for Elodie. Life-altering, so, sworn to solve the mystery of... the Black Ice Murders!
I do think this could become a longer piece if you felt like it. :)
And yeah, that movie is great. So is the book -- and it's super short. It's an American classic and one many students read in school (or used to at least). I do think some of the teachers were just scaring us from sledding too fast on the local golf course! I recommend adding it to your no doubt very big list.
It's been added! I wish they had me read this, but it was more like Die Blechtrommel and Der Untertan for me back then, which I was not able to appreciate at that time, sadly. I do now, though.
At some point I would love a German reading list from you (like just a speckling of favourites). Of course only those with English translation 😉 (or French!)
Ahhh, that list is not that long! I only took NDL for 3 semesters, there's a story for that, too. NDL = Neue Deutsche Literaturwissenschaft. Short version. The prof was not the prof you'd want to have for NDL, so I dropped it.
Excellent short read! A lot compacted into this. I said "No" because I suspected the happy cheerful start was going to lead somewhere dark. That doesn't lessen anything, though. That you could craft that short arc and sense of place in just 500 is really impressive!
Thanks, Nathan. Suspicious reader! Excellent. Glad you enjoyed it without the surprise. Originally it was 250 words, in essence, the same arc, added character description and the other kids, for added immersion.
That was intense! I replied with “I saw it coming” because I think I knew that tragedy was coming as soon as we saw the puppy gnawing at the leash. Poor Timmy! Or at least I think it was Timmy. We may never know!
A very surprising last paragraph. I had to read it three times. I would have gotten it immediately had there been a picture of that last description ( possibly from AI?) I had to work for it, especially as it was totally unpredictable to me. Nicely done, Alexander.
Cleverly paced. I think all the details work really well ... stretching the build up, ignoring the tension we will stumble into ... the 'rigid leash' suggests a twist but you don't want to go there as the reader ... so I'd be a 'no' in terms of hoping against hope for joy ... but relishing the way the story played out. Excellent writing, Alexander
Merci, mon cher ami! Glad you enjoyed it. When I started I had no idea how it would end, it "just" happened, one might say. Very perceptive on the rigidness! Telegraphing the end with the title, too, one could say. Thanks for reading, Barrie!
Those are always the ones I love best. When the idea just makes its own way to the page. Was it Isaac Asimov who called writing ‘thinking through my fingers’?
Yes, indeed. It surprised me, fun stuff. And Mr. Asimov did it so splendidly. Sometimes it's hard for the fingers to keep up. Let the characters do what they want to do and get out of the way, is what I say.
Always the smart move ... or the characters will give you a shove anyway!
That they do. We've all experienced that I wager!
This was great Alexander 👍🏼
I answered “yes” as I didn’t see the ending coming at all. Of course, I am not the most perceptive and would probably end up just like Timmy!
I was as surprised as you, believe me. 😅 I remember the prompt was about winter and Christmas, write about an activity involving snow. Poor Timmy, eh? Elodie will grow up to become the greatest detective of all time, solving the gruesome Black Ice Murders. You wait and see.
Looking forward to them already 👍🏼
You and me both, maybe I should do them as a podcast, with guests!
Enjoyed this! Any snow themed story draws me in, but you also managed to fit a lot of good characterisation at the start. I said “no” because I tried to just go with it and not overthink...I actually imagined some tragedy for Dee (I mean it is tragic for her, but you know what I mean). Sledding’s literary tragic history must be rooted in Edith Wharton’s Ethan Frome. Or is there something predating this?
Thanks for upping my anxiety around ponds in the winter with children 😂 😅 😬
You're welcome? 😅 Thank you for reading, Kate. I swear I started without any sinister intent but once she came to the pond, Elodie insisted... and yes, we have that pond, that bridge (no Emil) and that boat and the picture is from that pond. I am unfamiliar with Ethan Frome but saw there's a movie from the 90s starring Liam Neeson! Might watch that one, so thanks for the mention! As for earlier tragic histories, I am sure there are, given that in Ancient Egypt sledges were the classic mode of transport (albeit not on snow I guess). And yes, it's tragic for Elodie. Life-altering, so, sworn to solve the mystery of... the Black Ice Murders!
Ohhh Egypt!! Interesting...good call there.
I do think this could become a longer piece if you felt like it. :)
And yeah, that movie is great. So is the book -- and it's super short. It's an American classic and one many students read in school (or used to at least). I do think some of the teachers were just scaring us from sledding too fast on the local golf course! I recommend adding it to your no doubt very big list.
It's been added! I wish they had me read this, but it was more like Die Blechtrommel and Der Untertan for me back then, which I was not able to appreciate at that time, sadly. I do now, though.
Ohh
At some point I would love a German reading list from you (like just a speckling of favourites). Of course only those with English translation 😉 (or French!)
Ahhh, that list is not that long! I only took NDL for 3 semesters, there's a story for that, too. NDL = Neue Deutsche Literaturwissenschaft. Short version. The prof was not the prof you'd want to have for NDL, so I dropped it.
Excellent short read! A lot compacted into this. I said "No" because I suspected the happy cheerful start was going to lead somewhere dark. That doesn't lessen anything, though. That you could craft that short arc and sense of place in just 500 is really impressive!
Thanks, Nathan. Suspicious reader! Excellent. Glad you enjoyed it without the surprise. Originally it was 250 words, in essence, the same arc, added character description and the other kids, for added immersion.
Bravo on the doubling!! That's great.
Merci. Now back to Spherean, words need to be written. The Spheres are in danger!
That was intense! I replied with “I saw it coming” because I think I knew that tragedy was coming as soon as we saw the puppy gnawing at the leash. Poor Timmy! Or at least I think it was Timmy. We may never know!
Intense was the goal! Albeit, you picked up on the telegraphing! Excellent. I think I need to update this page to link to https://alexanderipfelkofer.substack.com/p/black-ice-murders-e02 !
I will go check it out. I know that you have a wealth of stories that I have yet to discover!
Just a few. Hope you enjoy!
I love stories that take a dark turn - well done, Alexander!
Drama, right? ;) Thanks Troy, glad you liked it!
A very surprising last paragraph. I had to read it three times. I would have gotten it immediately had there been a picture of that last description ( possibly from AI?) I had to work for it, especially as it was totally unpredictable to me. Nicely done, Alexander.
Thanks, Sharron. Indeed, that last paragraph is taking quite a turn. I was surprised as well, when it came out.
I understand. Sometimes these stories just write themselves and we sit back and watch...
Enjoyed the read , the ending was powerful .
Thanks, Claudia! Glad you liked it.