Wow, I couldn't stop reading yet it also felt much longer than 1000 words! House of Leaves which I did not finish (because I got fed up with the circumspect storytelling & endless tangents) feels similar but this is much more punchy, more immediate. In my head, the two people were speaking with whiny little devil voices. I could perfectly imagine the noises of the fridge because mine makes the same noises at night (minus the screeching... Am I safe?)
Thanks, Vanessa! Have not read House of Leaves, so can't comment or compare. Happy to hear that it captivated you! I hope it's not a bad thing that it felt longer than 1k. Scrivener says it's 1k, it could be lying, maybe it's 1001!
As long as there's no screeching I think you'll be fine, as a precaution, keep all pawns away from your fridge. 👻
I *loved* House of Loves. It's difficult and weird and tangential, but there's nothing else like it. But I get what you mean and I can understand why you didn't finish.
For something a bit more linear (??), there is his The Familiar series, which sadly only made it to vol. 5 before being canned by the publisher. Danielowski is not of this world, haha.
I read it once. Then read your comment. And then I read it again, this time with a fuller understanding that left me grinning. I really appreciate the info you supplied at the end. But I'd love to know more about this intertextuality. I guess this is something I've been aware of, but not consciously. Might check out that book. What's the specific author reference you mention as being in The Pawn?
(Oh, and the breaking of the fourth wall absolutely worked for me, even more so once I understood you diving into this as The Writer).
Your writing is tight and concise. Nothing is more than needed. Great descriptions and sense of location and objects. Vivid with minimal words.
The mouthing off by the old man was a little off-putting (out of character?, maybe, even though I had no sense of him) the first read, but then it totally worked the second time 😄🤷♂️
Thanks, Nathan. Glad it worked for you! You are correct, it is a "writer's dilemma" POV, i.e. getting stuck with a story, not sure what to do with a character, and how would that character behave or react, in this case, he has a bit of an attitude, after being left behind in that dump while the writer is off doing god knows what!
Intertextuality is the principle of texts referencing each other and the relationship between them, as such every text is the product of intertextuality. I put up a note yesterday on "Intertextuality" with some examples.
The Pawn is the MacGuffin, it gets them into the basement. Interesting that you imagine an old man, I have not mentioned his age or described him or the narrator on purpose.
Ah, the specific author reference! That's where intertextuality shows its true effect (as indicated in my note). Recognition of these allegories and references very much depends on a shared pretext between the author and reader and how successful the author is in putting the reference in the first place. If I reference Robinson Crusoe by calling the man Friday, you won't make the connection if you don't know the book (or movie), and even if you do, it still could be a coincidence, like in Bill Adler's story "Leila's Secret" (pity you can't use mention or links in comments) he called the dog Gaston (Signor Rossi had a dog, Gaston). Not only needs there to be a correlation but also intent. The reference buried in "The Pawn" is in line with the theme of the supernatural and as such fits the narrative.
Oh and heh, I totally imagined him as something of a cantankerous old man. Perhaps because of the notion he had been trapped in there. (By you! For all that nameless time! 😜)
Thanks for the explanation. Not read your other post yet on this, but absolutely will do.
So do I get to find out what the specific reference is (or have I missed it in your comment? 😂🤔 It's been a long day) or shall it remain only a reference if you're aware of the reference and have that intertextual context?
Exquisite! It made me think of two games "D" and "Dragon's Lair" and also escape room movies. The dialogue is lively and compelling, the action fast-paced. Aces!
Thanks, Nadia. Dragon's Lair, of course! Never played "D" though. The exercise went out of hand as soon as that fridge switched itself on. Mine is super loud. I disconnect it when I record stuff because... monster sounds. Glad you liked it!
That is one terrifying fridge you have! lol D was an awesome horror adventure game. They made second one too. Cool thing about it D2 was that inside homes it was first perspective, but third outside. I haven't seen that in other games then yet.
You did appear to veer into first person in one paragraph. That could have been the wall. I actually had to re-read some of the lines because I wasn't entirely sure who was speaking. But I haven't gotten much sleep so that could be the problem. I love your explanations and references at the end of the post.
Thanks, Scott! You are correct about the POV shift. It was a risky move, and any editor would most likely get out the spanking stick, but it is a deliberate choice to switch that one paragraph, signalling the writer's inner monologue. I was tempted to put it in italics but didn't. Maybe, it would be better if I did. You can switch POVs as long as it's in separate paragraphs and serves a specific goal but it can be quite jarring for the reader, hence it is best to be avoided, or so they say. There are no rules, really, when writing. Experiment!
Definitely. Years ago I started using sentence fragments to help ramp tension and conflict. It wasn't particularly evant garde but I liked the pacing. I see it a lot today and I think it makes perfect sense. However, the Writing Gods would likely not approve. Avoid passive voice and try not to use too many run-on sentences (unless you're Truman Capote) and that's about it. And, of course, remember that the road to Hell is paved with adverbs.
"The road to Hell is paved with adverbs," he said knowingly. I enjoyed King's "On Writing."
However, if you read Neil Gaiman or Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams, they are as guilty as sin. Even Vonnegut (besides really hating the semicolon) and all the popular ones are all guilty. Be it they did it for style, comic relief or other "deliberate" reasons.
The "Turkey City" lexicon lists many things you see in highly successful books past and present. Why? Most readers want a "good story", they want to be entertained and depending on what your goal is, you need to figure out what voice you are going to use. If you want to stay away from the "entertainment garbage" as Olen Butler writes in his book "From where we dream" then your voice will need to be as such, but be aware, those "high literature" books don't sell, he claims.
E.M. Forster in his lecture "Aspects of the Novel" speaks of different types of readers, e.g. the "surface" reader, who is only interested in the "what next", he stipulates they have a "primeval curiosity" for a good story, adverbs or no adverbs.
Paste Slaughterhouse-Five, chapter one into the hemingwayapp.com site and see all the adverbs and passive voice etc., or any other chapter of any other popular successful work for that matter. Good Omens scores particularly bad, btw.
And if you want to know who you write like, there is a site for that as well: iwritelike.com. Of course, it's all nonsense (it says "The Pawn" resembles Gertrude Stein, and "Future Now" is like Isaac Asimov, heh).
The only thing that matters is that you write like you mean it. Timid writing is useless writing. This is your last day on earth, this is your last chance to write. Make the most of it.
Have you noticed anything strange as of late? Does your fridge make gurgling noises at night? Exhibit symptoms of a distracting nature? More importantly, do you find the door ajar for no reason? Who you gonna call? 👻
Wow, I couldn't stop reading yet it also felt much longer than 1000 words! House of Leaves which I did not finish (because I got fed up with the circumspect storytelling & endless tangents) feels similar but this is much more punchy, more immediate. In my head, the two people were speaking with whiny little devil voices. I could perfectly imagine the noises of the fridge because mine makes the same noises at night (minus the screeching... Am I safe?)
Anyway... so good!
Thanks, Vanessa! Have not read House of Leaves, so can't comment or compare. Happy to hear that it captivated you! I hope it's not a bad thing that it felt longer than 1k. Scrivener says it's 1k, it could be lying, maybe it's 1001!
As long as there's no screeching I think you'll be fine, as a precaution, keep all pawns away from your fridge. 👻
I *loved* House of Loves. It's difficult and weird and tangential, but there's nothing else like it. But I get what you mean and I can understand why you didn't finish.
For something a bit more linear (??), there is his The Familiar series, which sadly only made it to vol. 5 before being canned by the publisher. Danielowski is not of this world, haha.
Literally everyone who has read it seems to love it! It's still sitting on my shelf so I might give it another try sometime.
Brilliant. Brilliant brilliant.
I read it once. Then read your comment. And then I read it again, this time with a fuller understanding that left me grinning. I really appreciate the info you supplied at the end. But I'd love to know more about this intertextuality. I guess this is something I've been aware of, but not consciously. Might check out that book. What's the specific author reference you mention as being in The Pawn?
(Oh, and the breaking of the fourth wall absolutely worked for me, even more so once I understood you diving into this as The Writer).
Your writing is tight and concise. Nothing is more than needed. Great descriptions and sense of location and objects. Vivid with minimal words.
The mouthing off by the old man was a little off-putting (out of character?, maybe, even though I had no sense of him) the first read, but then it totally worked the second time 😄🤷♂️
Thanks, Nathan. Glad it worked for you! You are correct, it is a "writer's dilemma" POV, i.e. getting stuck with a story, not sure what to do with a character, and how would that character behave or react, in this case, he has a bit of an attitude, after being left behind in that dump while the writer is off doing god knows what!
Intertextuality is the principle of texts referencing each other and the relationship between them, as such every text is the product of intertextuality. I put up a note yesterday on "Intertextuality" with some examples.
The Pawn is the MacGuffin, it gets them into the basement. Interesting that you imagine an old man, I have not mentioned his age or described him or the narrator on purpose.
Ah, the specific author reference! That's where intertextuality shows its true effect (as indicated in my note). Recognition of these allegories and references very much depends on a shared pretext between the author and reader and how successful the author is in putting the reference in the first place. If I reference Robinson Crusoe by calling the man Friday, you won't make the connection if you don't know the book (or movie), and even if you do, it still could be a coincidence, like in Bill Adler's story "Leila's Secret" (pity you can't use mention or links in comments) he called the dog Gaston (Signor Rossi had a dog, Gaston). Not only needs there to be a correlation but also intent. The reference buried in "The Pawn" is in line with the theme of the supernatural and as such fits the narrative.
PPS MacMuffin or macguffin?
Now I'm hungry.
😂 I was hungry when I wrote it! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MacGuffin
Hehe, yeah I think autocorrect corrected yours in the original comment, or it was a deliberate hunger-inducing comment.
It's always auto-correct, of course! 😎
Oh and heh, I totally imagined him as something of a cantankerous old man. Perhaps because of the notion he had been trapped in there. (By you! For all that nameless time! 😜)
Oh, cruel authors, may their Dark Half be forever trapped in that old house.
Thanks for the explanation. Not read your other post yet on this, but absolutely will do.
So do I get to find out what the specific reference is (or have I missed it in your comment? 😂🤔 It's been a long day) or shall it remain only a reference if you're aware of the reference and have that intertextual context?
I sent you a hint offline. ;)
Excellent story, Alexander and I totally get what you mean 😁
Thank you, Daniel! Beware of them fridges! ;)
Exquisite! It made me think of two games "D" and "Dragon's Lair" and also escape room movies. The dialogue is lively and compelling, the action fast-paced. Aces!
Thanks, Nadia. Dragon's Lair, of course! Never played "D" though. The exercise went out of hand as soon as that fridge switched itself on. Mine is super loud. I disconnect it when I record stuff because... monster sounds. Glad you liked it!
That is one terrifying fridge you have! lol D was an awesome horror adventure game. They made second one too. Cool thing about it D2 was that inside homes it was first perspective, but third outside. I haven't seen that in other games then yet.
Your style in this piece is what draws me in. Nice work.
Thanks, Jordan. Appreciate you taking the time to comment and read. Happy that you like The Pawn!
That was interesting. A good flash fiction blast.
You did appear to veer into first person in one paragraph. That could have been the wall. I actually had to re-read some of the lines because I wasn't entirely sure who was speaking. But I haven't gotten much sleep so that could be the problem. I love your explanations and references at the end of the post.
Thanks, Scott! You are correct about the POV shift. It was a risky move, and any editor would most likely get out the spanking stick, but it is a deliberate choice to switch that one paragraph, signalling the writer's inner monologue. I was tempted to put it in italics but didn't. Maybe, it would be better if I did. You can switch POVs as long as it's in separate paragraphs and serves a specific goal but it can be quite jarring for the reader, hence it is best to be avoided, or so they say. There are no rules, really, when writing. Experiment!
Choices were made :-)
Definitely. Years ago I started using sentence fragments to help ramp tension and conflict. It wasn't particularly evant garde but I liked the pacing. I see it a lot today and I think it makes perfect sense. However, the Writing Gods would likely not approve. Avoid passive voice and try not to use too many run-on sentences (unless you're Truman Capote) and that's about it. And, of course, remember that the road to Hell is paved with adverbs.
"The road to Hell is paved with adverbs," he said knowingly. I enjoyed King's "On Writing."
However, if you read Neil Gaiman or Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams, they are as guilty as sin. Even Vonnegut (besides really hating the semicolon) and all the popular ones are all guilty. Be it they did it for style, comic relief or other "deliberate" reasons.
The "Turkey City" lexicon lists many things you see in highly successful books past and present. Why? Most readers want a "good story", they want to be entertained and depending on what your goal is, you need to figure out what voice you are going to use. If you want to stay away from the "entertainment garbage" as Olen Butler writes in his book "From where we dream" then your voice will need to be as such, but be aware, those "high literature" books don't sell, he claims.
E.M. Forster in his lecture "Aspects of the Novel" speaks of different types of readers, e.g. the "surface" reader, who is only interested in the "what next", he stipulates they have a "primeval curiosity" for a good story, adverbs or no adverbs.
Paste Slaughterhouse-Five, chapter one into the hemingwayapp.com site and see all the adverbs and passive voice etc., or any other chapter of any other popular successful work for that matter. Good Omens scores particularly bad, btw.
And if you want to know who you write like, there is a site for that as well: iwritelike.com. Of course, it's all nonsense (it says "The Pawn" resembles Gertrude Stein, and "Future Now" is like Isaac Asimov, heh).
The only thing that matters is that you write like you mean it. Timid writing is useless writing. This is your last day on earth, this is your last chance to write. Make the most of it.
May I use parts of your response in a future post? I love a lot of what you've written here.
Of course, feel free. The excerpt feature only works on posts and not in comments, same with @mentions, so it’ll have to be a manual copy paste.
Have you noticed anything strange as of late? Does your fridge make gurgling noises at night? Exhibit symptoms of a distracting nature? More importantly, do you find the door ajar for no reason? Who you gonna call? 👻
Thanks, Kri! Much appreciated!