Nothing like breaking wind to make your characters realistic! 😂 Love the hints of trouble to come. And ewwww! 🕷️ 🦂 🪲 creepy crawlies! Keep your mouth shut, Dr. Carter!
I like this story so far. Good dialogue. Early action. Intriguing story. One nit-picky thing. The line where Carter says "That Sunday" makes it sound like he was contacted perhaps weeks earlier. But the beginning of chapter 2 states that Carter arrived in Egypt the day after the phone call and his ride in the limo. It sort of threw me off and pulled me out of the story just a bit.
I'm looking forward to reading on. Thanks for creating a great template for serialized fiction on Substack. I'll definitely be stealing some ideas :-)
Hey Scott! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! Excellent observation. You are right, I may want to change that (cut those two words). Thanks a lot for the feedback. Appreciate it. Hope you find the template useful. I wish Substack would offer a better integration/navigation for this kind of content, but I guess the links will have to do for now. Hope you enjoy the rest of the adventure!
Length of these is perfect. And your dialogue really comes alive in this one. I’ve got a soft spot for anything Egyptian, and this is very much in line with the best of that niche.
Oooo, where might that tunnel lead then?
Love the banter. Jackie's got some sass 😄
Jackie does have ample amounts 😅 Where might the tunnel lead... if not into a chamber!😎
A chamber of secrets, no doubt 😄
Oh, even Dumbledore would be dumbfounded!
😅
Nothing like breaking wind to make your characters realistic! 😂 Love the hints of trouble to come. And ewwww! 🕷️ 🦂 🪲 creepy crawlies! Keep your mouth shut, Dr. Carter!
Thanks a lot, my friend! Glad you enjoy the excursion thus far. Sam is in for a wild ride…
I like this story so far. Good dialogue. Early action. Intriguing story. One nit-picky thing. The line where Carter says "That Sunday" makes it sound like he was contacted perhaps weeks earlier. But the beginning of chapter 2 states that Carter arrived in Egypt the day after the phone call and his ride in the limo. It sort of threw me off and pulled me out of the story just a bit.
I'm looking forward to reading on. Thanks for creating a great template for serialized fiction on Substack. I'll definitely be stealing some ideas :-)
Hey Scott! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! Excellent observation. You are right, I may want to change that (cut those two words). Thanks a lot for the feedback. Appreciate it. Hope you find the template useful. I wish Substack would offer a better integration/navigation for this kind of content, but I guess the links will have to do for now. Hope you enjoy the rest of the adventure!
Length of these is perfect. And your dialogue really comes alive in this one. I’ve got a soft spot for anything Egyptian, and this is very much in line with the best of that niche.
Glad to hear it, Taegan. More to come in the weeks ahead! And Part 2 is planned for Christmas.
I appreciate the funny banter between the characters. The dialogue is sprightly.
Thanks, Nadia! Glad to hear. Definitely was going for funny banter!
fun dialogue 😁 I like the occasional fart 😂
Always write with all the senses ;)
Have to go read from the beginning! Thinking of trying to do something like this too ☺️
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts, Jenny!