I felt transported into that time and place. I even read in English accent, in my head. I definitely think this would make a wonderful full length work!
You mean like Sean Connery playing a Spaniard with a Scottish accent and some French dude playing Highlander with an outrageous French accent because sere cann be onnli vann! 😎
Beautiful, I feel you got the medieval tone just right & really engaged all the senses in describing the environment, probably as a side of effect of avoiding names.
To be honest, tone is the main reason why I shy away from sharing my historical fiction in English - I'd be more confident in my native language but with English, I'd probably want to do more research to make sure I got it right. How did you do it for this piece?
Thanks, Vanessa. I certainly was aiming for the five senses (taste, sight, sound, touch, smell). Taste might be underdeveloped here, except for the early mead. Glad you picked up on this! Implicit writing sure helps in more "show" and less "tell", as well. Or at least that was the idea.
You can write historical fiction using a modern register, nothing to say against that. I felt like doing a wee bit of ye olde tongue, did I do research, no. I bet an editor may give me an earful. I did the best I could, trying to remember my Mediavistik studies (in German Linguistics we covered Old English and how close it is to Mittelhochdeutsch. I have a Lexer on my desk, "Hwæt! We Gardena in geardagum..." But, alas, I forgot most. I think what may have helped a little bit, were those ten years of stage acting in English, mostly Shakespeare, I still remember some of my lines, very few though.
How did I do it? I don't know. I sat down and wrote down the words as they came. What you see here is an edited first draft, and I added new stuff during the edit yesterday. I need to finish that screenplay for an assignment by June 9th.
Slow to comment, sorry my friend. Busy busy couple of days.
This was awesome. You hit the language but pulled back enough on it to keep it from cliched and lacing enough mystery in what wasn't said. I get a playful vibe with the narrator, not unlike Sir Gawain in The Buried Giant.
No worries Nathan, life can be busy, don't I know it. Thank you, for taking the time to comment, much appreciated and to be compared to Kazuo Ishiguro, oh my! Lost for words. If only iwritelike.com could confirm 😂 but, alas, when I copy-paste the text there, it says I write like.... W.S. Silly little website (https://iwl.me/s/f0797b6c)
You ask if I would read a longer piece written in this style and register? Alexander, I no doubt will read ANY thing you write. You have created a small world here, beautifully detailed. Your paragraph beginning with "My will has come undone." is masterful! Thanks for the reference to this post. I never would have seen it. I'd like to suggest you bring some of these shorter pieces back up out of the archive and repost them for your newer readers?
Thanks so much, Sharron. You made my day. I was contemplating how to resurface older entries but at the same time do not want to spam subscribers with existing posts. A conundrum. I also do web-only posts daily for the War and Peace recordings which apparently only 1% then get to see, then again I am not going to send daily emails. But you are right, newer readers certainly should have it easy to discover all there is on Tales from the Defrag! Maybe a recap post of sorts...
My system, is to "duplicate to drafts" a previously posted story. Then repost/email it on my regular posting day, saying something like. "This story, from the archive of June 2022, is one of my favorites. If you've already read it, thank you! If you are a new subscriber, I hope you like it." In my experience, readers very rarely have time or inclination to rummage around in archives. It is a shame to leave your best works buried. AND it also allows you to revise before reposting. I am always shocked to see how much revision is necessary on my previously posted stories. It seems to reveal how much my writing is improving!
I may do something along those lines, have to ponder on it some more. You’re right, people hardly go browse the archive or the about page, I would love to see stats on how many people look at the pinned welcome post... since Substack is mainly email driven, hardly any subscriber ever visits the webpage I guess?
Good tale, kind sir. Personally, I prefer just a sprinkle of old English. A word here and there. Too much is tiring to read, to me. But it was readable.
Ha! Loved this! A nice little piece. Good of you to practise things out of your genre. Brought to mind Hamnet (tho that wasn’t written in this style) in the evocative-ness (not sure if that’s even a word, tired, just drove another 12 hours France to Croatia!) of it. Nostrils eager also made me smile!
Hi Emma! Glad to hear you made the trip back OK! Last time I was in Croatia was... umm too long ago, but it was lovely. Made you smile! This is the highest praise I could hope for. Thank you! 🙏🙏🙏 Bring a little bit of joy into someone's life, priceless.
Btw I think you might have coined a term and spawned a group of people likely to use it in normal life ‘my eager nostrils...’ it trips off the tongues somehow! It just occurred to me - how well must you be able to write in German if this is (or is it?) your second language? Mind blown. I can’t imagine writing lyrically in another language, and I count myself as a pretty natural linguist.
I have written a novel in German but that is so long ago I would need to re-write it completely and most likely would do so in English. Or maybe I will do both. Although... I have not lived nor practised much of my mother tongue these past twenty years, it takes a toll, for sure. I did write songs and lyrics in English at a very young age, had a band... tried real hard, Nicole (not Jody) got married and the rest of the guys moved away so I joined the English Dramatic Society and did stage acting in English for a number of years. Anyhoooo, long story short, I am not a native English speaker, I do make mistakes but hey, who doesn't?
Ohhhh what a shame for the novel! Wonderful. One definitely wouldn’t be able to tell you aren’t a native speaker. I understand the mother tongue waning thing - my (ex) sister in law is German and seems more comfortable speaking English now (25 years living in U.K.) tho she valiantly still talks in German to her two grown up children who (naughtily and not encouraged by my family) answer in English, the little devils! They understand perfectly, of course. We have a sweet reciprocal agreement that when tired, she speaks in German and I in English , as that was easier for each of us. Now tho I fear I would struggle to understand German without concentrating, and she’s more comfortable in English as so out of practise. My husband and I met and used to always speak in English but now we have been not in U.K. as much over the last years use some ridiculous English Bosnian French hybrid , some words tend to spring to mind in some languages quicker than others, don’t they.
Exactly that, mixing languages is inevitable although the Academie Francaise has something to say about Anglicisms, last year they banned a lot of gamer words, streaming, cloud gaming etc. government officials are no longer allowed to use them, the rest doesn't care. A living language changes, can't prevent that. I need to speak more German with my kid, though! He can teach me French...
Yes! The French are particular about protecting things. I find a lot more care taken there than in U.K. on a lot of matters. I agree tho, a living language will inevitably develop and incorporate new stuff, whatever ‘rules’ are put in place. Confused by the last sentence, kind as in child? So you have a child who speaks better French than you, but not as good German? Sign of the times isn’t it! If we’d had kids am sure they’d speak even better English / Bosnian than my husband / me respectively. Apparently I have a bit of a Russian accent in Bosnian / Croatian / Serbian! Lord knows how!!!!! I do manage to tweak a lot of words according to where I am in the region mind, which am quite proud of. My husband has a faint but inimitable and rather charming ‘Count’ accent , and still occasionally gets ‘v’s and ‘w’s mixed up when tired!
‘Nice little piece’ sounds odd (reminds me of when they say about women ‘she’s a good little cook’!) - I meant, I enjoyed reading it... a bit of darkness, plenty of evocative description, a dose of lust, horror, a sprinkle of grimm’s tales. And the threat / intrigue / suspense of what’s to ensue in the future! It was the sense of immediacy (and the general Olde Worlde setting, of course, that and the word apothecary!) that reminded me of the opening scene of Hamnet, I’ve just realised. Yes Croatia is lovely. Honestly I’d love to simply stay in one place more (or stay in one place and live more simply perhaps) but c’est la vie! Glad to have stopped driving , it’s fair to say. Oooooh and talking of driving I have a comment on your car post too. Tomorrow. Must focus as I’m doing a dog related stuff launch week here, starting tomorrow , ha! Let’s see how that goes down (no Substack category for animals, sadly, I think I put myself under health and climate or some two equally utterly non related to my witterings umbrellas) ;) keeps me out of trouble at least!
I will have to borrow some of this to market my writing better! 🤣 Thanks Emma! And looking forward to the car... I mean Pod post! And good luck with the launch week!
Although this isn’t your normal genre, I honestly would have never guessed it. Your focus on the senses elevated this piece, too. Even without the picture, I knew the exact place and time because you nailed the feeling.
Enjoying this flash fiction writing prompts. How’s the Novel going?
Thanks, Taegan. Glad it worked. Those prompts do help to exercise and experiment with your voice. Not everything works and not all are equally fun, I feel, still good to try. One of the next prompts is "Write a scene from a popular novel from the POV of a secondary character (500 words)." I chose Freitag from Defoe's "Robinson Crusoe".
Re: Novel. I have to finish my assignment by June 9th (3k words screenplay for a short film), so the novel is going slooooooow but steady (Chapter 7 of approx. 25). Thanks for asking. I do have a surprise teaser coming tomorrow, though. Stay tuned!
I felt transported into that time and place. I even read in English accent, in my head. I definitely think this would make a wonderful full length work!
Thank you, Nadia. One day, the mist shall return.. with Scottish accent!
Oooo that was unexpected!
You mean like Sean Connery playing a Spaniard with a Scottish accent and some French dude playing Highlander with an outrageous French accent because sere cann be onnli vann! 😎
Hahahah. That needs to happen.
It does!
Beautiful, I feel you got the medieval tone just right & really engaged all the senses in describing the environment, probably as a side of effect of avoiding names.
To be honest, tone is the main reason why I shy away from sharing my historical fiction in English - I'd be more confident in my native language but with English, I'd probably want to do more research to make sure I got it right. How did you do it for this piece?
Thanks, Vanessa. I certainly was aiming for the five senses (taste, sight, sound, touch, smell). Taste might be underdeveloped here, except for the early mead. Glad you picked up on this! Implicit writing sure helps in more "show" and less "tell", as well. Or at least that was the idea.
You can write historical fiction using a modern register, nothing to say against that. I felt like doing a wee bit of ye olde tongue, did I do research, no. I bet an editor may give me an earful. I did the best I could, trying to remember my Mediavistik studies (in German Linguistics we covered Old English and how close it is to Mittelhochdeutsch. I have a Lexer on my desk, "Hwæt! We Gardena in geardagum..." But, alas, I forgot most. I think what may have helped a little bit, were those ten years of stage acting in English, mostly Shakespeare, I still remember some of my lines, very few though.
How did I do it? I don't know. I sat down and wrote down the words as they came. What you see here is an edited first draft, and I added new stuff during the edit yesterday. I need to finish that screenplay for an assignment by June 9th.
Ah, it did sound a little Shakespearean to me, now I know why. You pulled it off well enough for me at least. Have fun with the screenplay assignment!
Thanks! 2k more words ...
I don't know why, but I love "nostrils eager." :)
Made you smile! I hope.
It did!
Mission accomplished! 😁
Slow to comment, sorry my friend. Busy busy couple of days.
This was awesome. You hit the language but pulled back enough on it to keep it from cliched and lacing enough mystery in what wasn't said. I get a playful vibe with the narrator, not unlike Sir Gawain in The Buried Giant.
No worries Nathan, life can be busy, don't I know it. Thank you, for taking the time to comment, much appreciated and to be compared to Kazuo Ishiguro, oh my! Lost for words. If only iwritelike.com could confirm 😂 but, alas, when I copy-paste the text there, it says I write like.... W.S. Silly little website (https://iwl.me/s/f0797b6c)
Haha, didn't even know of that website!
now you do :) silly fun, is all.
Fascinating story. Well done!
Thank you, Jim!
You ask if I would read a longer piece written in this style and register? Alexander, I no doubt will read ANY thing you write. You have created a small world here, beautifully detailed. Your paragraph beginning with "My will has come undone." is masterful! Thanks for the reference to this post. I never would have seen it. I'd like to suggest you bring some of these shorter pieces back up out of the archive and repost them for your newer readers?
Thanks so much, Sharron. You made my day. I was contemplating how to resurface older entries but at the same time do not want to spam subscribers with existing posts. A conundrum. I also do web-only posts daily for the War and Peace recordings which apparently only 1% then get to see, then again I am not going to send daily emails. But you are right, newer readers certainly should have it easy to discover all there is on Tales from the Defrag! Maybe a recap post of sorts...
My system, is to "duplicate to drafts" a previously posted story. Then repost/email it on my regular posting day, saying something like. "This story, from the archive of June 2022, is one of my favorites. If you've already read it, thank you! If you are a new subscriber, I hope you like it." In my experience, readers very rarely have time or inclination to rummage around in archives. It is a shame to leave your best works buried. AND it also allows you to revise before reposting. I am always shocked to see how much revision is necessary on my previously posted stories. It seems to reveal how much my writing is improving!
I may do something along those lines, have to ponder on it some more. You’re right, people hardly go browse the archive or the about page, I would love to see stats on how many people look at the pinned welcome post... since Substack is mainly email driven, hardly any subscriber ever visits the webpage I guess?
Good tale, kind sir. Personally, I prefer just a sprinkle of old English. A word here and there. Too much is tiring to read, to me. But it was readable.
Thanks, Mark! And welcome to the Defrag. I am much the same, but I felt this itch to try. Itch is scratched, though.
Ha! Loved this! A nice little piece. Good of you to practise things out of your genre. Brought to mind Hamnet (tho that wasn’t written in this style) in the evocative-ness (not sure if that’s even a word, tired, just drove another 12 hours France to Croatia!) of it. Nostrils eager also made me smile!
Hi Emma! Glad to hear you made the trip back OK! Last time I was in Croatia was... umm too long ago, but it was lovely. Made you smile! This is the highest praise I could hope for. Thank you! 🙏🙏🙏 Bring a little bit of joy into someone's life, priceless.
Btw I think you might have coined a term and spawned a group of people likely to use it in normal life ‘my eager nostrils...’ it trips off the tongues somehow! It just occurred to me - how well must you be able to write in German if this is (or is it?) your second language? Mind blown. I can’t imagine writing lyrically in another language, and I count myself as a pretty natural linguist.
I have written a novel in German but that is so long ago I would need to re-write it completely and most likely would do so in English. Or maybe I will do both. Although... I have not lived nor practised much of my mother tongue these past twenty years, it takes a toll, for sure. I did write songs and lyrics in English at a very young age, had a band... tried real hard, Nicole (not Jody) got married and the rest of the guys moved away so I joined the English Dramatic Society and did stage acting in English for a number of years. Anyhoooo, long story short, I am not a native English speaker, I do make mistakes but hey, who doesn't?
Ohhhh what a shame for the novel! Wonderful. One definitely wouldn’t be able to tell you aren’t a native speaker. I understand the mother tongue waning thing - my (ex) sister in law is German and seems more comfortable speaking English now (25 years living in U.K.) tho she valiantly still talks in German to her two grown up children who (naughtily and not encouraged by my family) answer in English, the little devils! They understand perfectly, of course. We have a sweet reciprocal agreement that when tired, she speaks in German and I in English , as that was easier for each of us. Now tho I fear I would struggle to understand German without concentrating, and she’s more comfortable in English as so out of practise. My husband and I met and used to always speak in English but now we have been not in U.K. as much over the last years use some ridiculous English Bosnian French hybrid , some words tend to spring to mind in some languages quicker than others, don’t they.
Exactly that, mixing languages is inevitable although the Academie Francaise has something to say about Anglicisms, last year they banned a lot of gamer words, streaming, cloud gaming etc. government officials are no longer allowed to use them, the rest doesn't care. A living language changes, can't prevent that. I need to speak more German with my kid, though! He can teach me French...
Yes! The French are particular about protecting things. I find a lot more care taken there than in U.K. on a lot of matters. I agree tho, a living language will inevitably develop and incorporate new stuff, whatever ‘rules’ are put in place. Confused by the last sentence, kind as in child? So you have a child who speaks better French than you, but not as good German? Sign of the times isn’t it! If we’d had kids am sure they’d speak even better English / Bosnian than my husband / me respectively. Apparently I have a bit of a Russian accent in Bosnian / Croatian / Serbian! Lord knows how!!!!! I do manage to tweak a lot of words according to where I am in the region mind, which am quite proud of. My husband has a faint but inimitable and rather charming ‘Count’ accent , and still occasionally gets ‘v’s and ‘w’s mixed up when tired!
‘Nice little piece’ sounds odd (reminds me of when they say about women ‘she’s a good little cook’!) - I meant, I enjoyed reading it... a bit of darkness, plenty of evocative description, a dose of lust, horror, a sprinkle of grimm’s tales. And the threat / intrigue / suspense of what’s to ensue in the future! It was the sense of immediacy (and the general Olde Worlde setting, of course, that and the word apothecary!) that reminded me of the opening scene of Hamnet, I’ve just realised. Yes Croatia is lovely. Honestly I’d love to simply stay in one place more (or stay in one place and live more simply perhaps) but c’est la vie! Glad to have stopped driving , it’s fair to say. Oooooh and talking of driving I have a comment on your car post too. Tomorrow. Must focus as I’m doing a dog related stuff launch week here, starting tomorrow , ha! Let’s see how that goes down (no Substack category for animals, sadly, I think I put myself under health and climate or some two equally utterly non related to my witterings umbrellas) ;) keeps me out of trouble at least!
I will have to borrow some of this to market my writing better! 🤣 Thanks Emma! And looking forward to the car... I mean Pod post! And good luck with the launch week!
Although this isn’t your normal genre, I honestly would have never guessed it. Your focus on the senses elevated this piece, too. Even without the picture, I knew the exact place and time because you nailed the feeling.
Enjoying this flash fiction writing prompts. How’s the Novel going?
Thanks, Taegan. Glad it worked. Those prompts do help to exercise and experiment with your voice. Not everything works and not all are equally fun, I feel, still good to try. One of the next prompts is "Write a scene from a popular novel from the POV of a secondary character (500 words)." I chose Freitag from Defoe's "Robinson Crusoe".
Re: Novel. I have to finish my assignment by June 9th (3k words screenplay for a short film), so the novel is going slooooooow but steady (Chapter 7 of approx. 25). Thanks for asking. I do have a surprise teaser coming tomorrow, though. Stay tuned!