Black Friday

Get a LifeR for a Perfect Life | Flash Fiction #39

Another Black Friday. More deals no one needs. An incessant stream of products perpetuated by a relentless torrent of commerce. Welcome to the machine.

Quick, snatch me up before I’m gone. You need me!

I couldn’t do it anymore. It was too much. Consume this, consume that. It consumes you. I was about to turn off the screen when I saw it—the deal of a lifetime.

Get your very own LifeR. A revolutionary new must-have companion.

Your highly customisable LifeR is finally here to provide unparalleled support for a perfect life. Subscribe now and never worry about a thing ever again. Your LifeR will take care of it for you, whatever it is. Get your personal LifeR today because you deserve the best life.

Gone are the days of washing, dusting, ironing, shopping, whatever the chore, whichever errand, no matter how small or big, your LifeR has you covered: from appointments to vacation planning. Home repairs and renovations? Fixed! Taxes? Done! LifeR is your best financial advisor, five-star chef, personal nurse, tutor, friend and protector.

Whatever you can imagine, LifeR does it all. Whatever your endeavour, LifeR will make your dreams come true. You can always depend on your LifeR to listen to your every need. Your LifeR is there for you so you can live your life the way you want. Order your personal LifeR today at a special discount.

LifeR. It’s your life.

LifeRs changed everything. Overnight. Of course, I got one. The deluxe model, too. Black Friday Special. It was fantastic. At first, we weren’t sure how much of our daily lives we should surrender to it or him—we named him Hercules, what with all the tasks and challenges.

We started with the most mundane tasks—doing the dishes, vacuuming, and so forth—and were impressed by the results. Naturally, we soon assigned Hercules more duties. He did them all without hesitation, to the utmost perfection, tirelessly, and always with a smile.

After a few months, there wasn’t a task our Hercules wouldn’t or couldn’t perform. From the smallest to the most complex and, at times, intimate of asks, Hercules did them all—better than anyone.

You could ask him anything; he’d always have an answer. He would listen patiently for hours, understand when you were upset, and always knew the right thing to do. He knew everything about us, our most intimate thoughts, better than we did. He knew what we wanted to eat, drink, see, listen to, or do at any given moment. It was amazing.

On our first anniversary, we took a long walk in the snow while Hercules stayed home hunting for Black Friday deals. After all, he knew best what we wanted. But upon our return, he sat on the couch staring at the wall.

“Found anything good, Herc?” I asked.

No answer.

I walked up to him and read what was on his display.

LifeR 2.0 – The latest in cybernetics is here. Order your replacement model today and upgrade to your best life yet!

They Live (1988)

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